There Are Plenty of Turkey Awards to Hand Out

Summary


Thanksgiving will be upon us, dripping in fat and calories, in just a few days, so it's time to hand out the 2009 Turkey of the Year awards to the lucky folks who have earned them with bird- brained carryings-on this year.

We will begin with the Defrosted Turkey award, which goes to Richmond County Board of Education officials and their energy conservation team members who are searching out and photographing school personnel's minifridges. It's sort of like an Old Stove Roundup, but different because they're not out to replace them with new ones but to get rid of them altogether. They estimate it will save a whopping $9,600 a year in the school system's $256 million budget. Of course, having the team go to all 59 schools and board offices to search for hidden minifridges in classrooms and offices will probably cost at least that much, not to mention the hazards it could present to teachers' health.

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Extract


There Are Plenty of Turkey Awards to Hand Out

Don't take away the minifridges,

For no teachers will remain

Their yogurt cups will sour,

And they'll all die of ptomaine.

District 1 Augusta Commission Candidate Matt Aitken gets the Turducken Award for ducking forums with candidate William Fennoy, whom he faces in a Dec. 1 runoff. I guess he doesn't want to stick his neck out.

Mr. Fennoy gets the Turkey Bologna award for saying he should win because he's black...

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